58. Those Soul Sucking Shoulds

outdated expectations placed on ourselves are hard to leave at the door. And anytime, anytime we venture out of our comfort zone just a little bit, just a tiny little bit, we want to try something new. What happens, our brains jump right in and protect us. Hi, I'm Jay, a certified life coach and former educator who believes that rediscovering ourselves takes just a little bit of courage. This show is focused on helping you develop the mindset and the courage to regain your confidence to redefine yourself and to reimagine your life, one episode at a time. What's up my positivity posse? Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, thanks so much for being here listening to Episode 58. And since you're here, can you do me a quick favor? If you could drop a five star rating on Apple podcast and write a review? It'll totally help this shows message grow and how to appreciate it greatly. Okay, can I let you in on a little secret, my friends, I'm going to Vegas. And I'm so excited. And you're probably thinking What does positivity and Vegas have in common? Well, we'll get to that in a moment. But first, just a little background. So this Vegas trip is an annual guys trip that I've taken. Well, we haven't taken in a while because well, you know, COVID and this year, I'm really looking forward to the trip. I haven't seen these guys since I moved to Massachusetts. And for some of them. It's been about three years since I've seen them. Now this trip is something that we've done for over 10 years. And it always coincides with the NCAA basketball conference championships, not March Madness. It's the week before March Madness. So we get to watch a ton of college basketball, play a little craps and enjoy some amazing meals. And we just get to spend some quality time together. Really, really love it. And I can't wait for this trip. Now. Whether you love Vegas or hated this trip is is important part of us staying connected. It's an important part of my friends and I come together, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Wow, maybe for a few things kind of like world peace, or COVID free life. But I digress. So listen, this brings me to the topic of this episode, Episode 58. Those soul sucking shoulds. Now some of you are probably thinking Vegas is soul sucking. And some of you probably love it. But here's the thing, my friends, here's the thing, when you're in Vegas, you live in the now you can be whoever you want to be, you can reinvent yourself. You can go there many, many times and be different people. And you can leave those soul sucking shoulds at the airport. Now if you're a regular listener to positivity on fire, you know I have a thing about contractions. Like can't, won't, couldn't, don't shouldn't. contractions will kill more dreams than failure ever has an everwell. And right now I'm going to add something else to the list. Should it's not a contraction. I know I know. But I'm going to add it to the list. And here's why. Every time we every time you every time I use the word should we detract from living in the moment. You know everything about Vegas I said before it's like living in the moment. And if we could just take that in bring it to our everyday lives. Just think of how we would show up. Now every time we use the word should we beat ourselves up. Every time we use the word should we placed all sorts of guilt on ourselves. And all of this goes for shouldn't as well. should and shouldn't. They're just they're soul sucking words. You know what I'm talking about? You may be on vacation. You may be doing something around the house, you may be doing something different and all of a sudden you're like, I should check my email. Or I shouldn't eat that food. Or I shouldn't take that chance. I should be doing the laundry right now. I shouldn't be wasting my time. I should be doing something more productive. I shouldn't be on this trip. I shouldn't go for that new job. I should I shouldn't I should I shouldn't I should. I shouldn't. And I get it. I get it. Old habits are really hard to break. Outdated expectations placed on ourselves are hard to leave at the door. And anytime anytime we venture out of our comfort zone just a little bit. Just a tiny little bit. We want to try something new What happens, our brains jump right in and protect us, they protect us from harm. That's its job. That's what it does. Our brains don't want us to change because comfort is comfortable, because it keeps us safe. Now, I got it change and growth is hard frickin work, I'm not going to tell you it's not hard work. And, and when we allow the shoulds, insurance, or our lives to get in the way, it can be downright paralyzing. So listen, in my past, I used to tell myself a lot, like a lot, a lot, a lot, maybe even a lot, a lot, a lot a lot, that I should be doing X, or Y, or Z, whatever it is, you name it, instead of what I was doing. In that moment, I had all of this, I had so much internal guilt, all of this guilt, about living up to expectations needing to be working, needing to be doing needing to be on the move, non stop. And that's because that's what I learned growing up. That's what I witnessed in my own family. That's what I saw around me. So whenever I, in my current life, previous to, you know, the last year or so as I've been on this journey, whenever I wasn't doing, I was feeling guilty about it. I was feeling guilty about it, and always saying to myself, you should be doing this, you should be doing that. Why aren't you doing this? Why aren't you doing that. But over the last year or so, when I really began to take stock of my life, when I began to take a look around when I started to look at the shoulds in the shoulds in my life, and I decided to throw them all out the window. And I'm decided, you know, I'm gonna live life like I want to live life. I'm lucky enough to be in a situation where I can do that, I understand that. I get it for the regular listeners on the show, you know my path, you know what I'm able to do, because of the person that I'm married to. Right, I have an incredibly unique opportunity to live my life in a certain way, because of her. And I'm grateful for that every single day. And it also allowed me to take stock of my life and say, What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? Not? Who should I be? Or what should I be doing? Now, I shouldn't say that I don't have goals, right? Goals are important. I have goals actually have pretty lofty goals. I want to become the best version of myself. So I can constantly be in service to others. So I can show up grounded, so I can show up honest. So I can show up transparent. So I can show up for you every week. So I can show up as non judgmental for my clients, so I can leave space for them. I have lofty goals around my business too. I have lofty goals about this podcast. And I have goals around my health and wellness. And all of that is to say you can still have goals and throw your shoulds insurance out the door. So when you take a look at your life, my friends, when you take a look around, when you look at your relationships, when you look at your partner or your spouse, when you look at your career, your finances, your health, your home life, what you do for fun and relaxation, as well as what you do to have your own personal growth and development. How would you rate yourself in those categories right now quick on the spot. And then ask yourself, what would it take you to get to be a 10. Now if you're being honest, really, really honest with yourself, the reasons you aren't getting to the 10s is because you spend so much time worrying about the soul sucking shoulds insurance. And you forget my friends you forget about the wonderful world of will. I will live in the moment. I will do what I want right now. I will remember that tiny wins lead to big gains. I will become the best version of myself. I will because I can. And I know I know. I know. I know the last few episodes of positivity on fire have been a little preachy. And I apologize, but I don't like Sorry, not sorry. The reason that I have been a little preachy is because I see so many of you, so many of you in my interactions on the mine. And with my clients, I see you struggling with becoming the best versions of yourselves. I see it and I want you to know that there is always a chance to change. Always a chance to grow. Always a chance to become a better you, you my friend Justin to decide if you should. Or if you will. Come on now say with me, I will, I will become a better version of myself. I will become a better version of myself for others around me. I will become the best version of myself because it will totally transform my life. It will transform my life and the lives of those around me. You've got this my friends, I believe in you. You just need to believe in yourself a little at a time. Every single day. Tiny gains micro gains little wins. You've got this. You've got this. Okay, my friends. That's it for this week's episode. But before I go if you happen, just happen to be in Vegas, march 8, through the 11th drop me a line at Jason at positivity on fire calm. I'd love to see you there. I'd love to share a drink with you catch up and see what's going on in your life. I'd love to hear about what progress you're making. To close out, as I always do. Just remember, your gift of time listening to this show does mean the world to me. It really does. Your gift of time is the most precious gift that you have. So thank you. And as always, be well be happy be you and until the next time may your quest for positivity. Begin today. A positivity posse. If you're ready to coach yourself, I invite you to download my free workbook. Seven Steps to regain, redefine and reimagine your life. Head over to www dot Jason ramsden.com backslash my dash links and click on the download link at the top of the page. It's that simple. And hey, if you're interested in working with me as your own personal life coach, visit Jason ramsden.com and click Get Started in the upper right hand corner of the screen. I hope to talk to you soon until then have an amazing day. Positivity on fire is a production of impact one media LLC. All rights reserved.