67. When Doing the Work Feels Wrong

You see the work feels wrong. When you're uncomfortable. And when the work feels wrong, it's actually right. When you aren't sure of what you're doing is right. It's right. The work feels wrong when you're in pain, and you're not sure you can move forward anymore. Hi, I'm Jay, a certified life coach and former educator who believes that rediscovering ourselves takes just a little bit of courage. This show is focused on helping you develop the mindset and the courage to regain your confidence to redefine yourself and to reimagine your life one episode at a time. Hello, my positivity posse and welcome to episode 67. When doing the work feels wrong, and I'm sure you're thinking, what the heck does that even mean? Right? Like, first off? What does doing the work mean? And second, what the heck do you mean by when it feels wrong? Now I get it, I get it. The title might be a little confusing if this is your first episode with me. But for those of you who have been along this journey with me, you might be able to guess where this is going today. So first off, okay, doing the work. If this is your first episode, I encourage you to go back just one, episode number 66. And give that a listen first, then come back to this episode, and knock it out. Now, if you've been with me for a while doing the work well, first is spending time with your current beliefs about yourself and your life. Now, when I think about doing the work, it always brings me back to my own self discovery journey, and how I pivoted in my 50s. So you see, when you spend a lifetime in one career, it quickly becomes how you identify yourself. It makes for an easy life. And it makes for easy conversation, especially when you're meeting people for the first time. Right? So often when people ask us a question, hey, what do you do? It becomes pretty simple, right? I'm a fill in your title for fill in your organization. And if you're not working and your priorities at home, it's also how you can identify yourself. So what happens when you want to pivot? Or more importantly, no, you have to pivot. If you know you have to pit pivot in order to discover what the next phase of your life should be, this becomes a little bit more complicated. And whether that means you're starting a second career, or your nest is empty, and you have to rediscover who you are and this new reality. doing the work simply means being curious about your thoughts about yourself. Who are you? What do you believe? What do you see for yourself? How do you see yourself becoming something different? Can you become something different? Alright, in my case, when I started looking inward, and became curious about what my life had been, and then what I wanted it to be, I kept seeing that. I've always been in service to others, whether that was helping kids choose a school when I was doing admissions work, or whether it was helping teachers solve technology challenges when I was a tech director, or now even helping clients get clear on what's holding them back and keeping them stuck. It's all been about holding space to listen, and to serve others, to help them solve challenging problems, and to help them find a better way to move forward with their lives, either personally or professionally. So helping kids find the school. Yeah, helping them find a better way to move forward. Helping Teach Yourself technology challenges, absolutely helping them find a better way to move forward, and helping clients get clear on what's holding them back. Yeah, you guessed it, helping them find a better way to move forward. So how does this apply to you? That was totally all about me. But how does it apply to you? First off, I highly recommend getting a coach for yourself. And I'm not saying that just because I am a coach. I believe it with my whole heart because I started working with a coach back in January of 2021. worked with them for a month and now I have another coach. So it's almost been almost a year and a half that I've been working with a coach. So the reason I recommend it, and whether that's me or someone else, listen, you can never go wrong with investing in yourself. Investing in your personal growth, investing in your personal development. And the truth be told, it's how you do the work. Right? When I say it's time to do the work. It's finding somebody to hold you accountable. Right? It's finding somebody to have in your corner, someone in your corner, who when the things do go wrong or when the work feels wrong. And I'll get to that in a little bit. They're there to support you. All right. Well, what if you're not ready to invest in yourself in a significant way? I get it. Right. You have to be willing. It has to be the right time. You have to be willing. What then okay, here, here are three things to start that journey in doing the work. Can number one looking inward? Take a look at yourself. What's happening there? Be curious. When I say be curious, be curious about the thoughts that you have about yourself, the thoughts that you have about your relationships, the thoughts that you have about how you communicate with others. Be curious about your thoughts about everything in your life. And then third, be intentional, be intentional about making a change. Now, all that looking inward means is taking time every day, if needed to look at your thoughts and feelings about yourself. What do they mean? What did they say to you? How do you interpret them? What are your thoughts about others? Is there judgment baked in both for yourself and for others? In those thoughts? Do you believe what others say about you? What about what you tell yourself? Be curious, back to be curious, this ties right back to number one look inward. The Curiosity part has everything to do with being open to change. Have you ever said to yourself? This is the way Hi, Anthony, I can't change? Of course you have. We've all said that. We all think that who we are is who we are. And it is. And you can get better. You can make changes, you can improve yourself. Maybe you say to yourself, I don't know how to change, or worse still, I'll never change. Alright, being curious means you are open to thinking about what if you could change? What if you could change? What if you believe that today? What if you believe that you could change? What if that a new and better life is just waiting for you around the corner? Alright, you're just a little bit curious as to what that might look like. Like, even just a little curious. And finally, number three, going back to that be intentional. So this is the wrapper, right? This is the wrapper for looking inward and being curious, being intentional means you have to set aside time every day to do the work. To take stock of what your thoughts and feelings are about yourself and what it might take to make a change. being intentional, is taking your own personal growth and development seriously. Not just for you. That's important. It is just for you, but not just for you. Okay, but for the others in your life as well. When we grow when we get better. We're not only doing it for ourselves, but everybody that's in our lives. All right, so where does the work, feel wrong come into play. When I work with clients, it's usually around the three month mark, when they start to question if the weekly conversations are actually helping. They want to know how it works with my other clients and it comes up all of the time. The three month mark is the mark. They might not be seeing progress and they aren't sure what doing the work means. Okay, here's the kicker, why they aren't seeing progress I am I can hear it and how they refer back to things we talked about weeks ago, and how they are better able to advocate for themselves how they use terms we've discussed when talking about how they're approaching new situations in their lives. You see the word feels wrong. When you're uncomfortable. And when the work feels wrong. It's actually right. When you aren't sure of what you're doing is right, it's right. The work feels wrong when you're in pain, and you're not sure you can move forward anymore. With looking inward being curious and being intentional. Okay, think of it this way. If you have ever gone to the gym, started as a fitness program or moved your body in any way, after not doing it for any length of time it hurts, right? Your legs hurt, your arms hurt, and muscles you didn't even freakin knew you had or like screaming at you at the top of their lungs, what the heck is going on. So listen, the same is true. When you work on your thoughts and beliefs about yourselves. The grooves in your mind, they are well worn. And we when we start to cover them up and redirect them and work on creating new ones. Our brain does exactly what it's designed to do. It pulls the emergency brake and tries to bring the forward progress to a screeching halt. All in all, when doing the work feels wrong. Really all that means is that you're right where you need to be in your personal growth and development. Don't stop, keep pushing forward. Right? It means that you shouldn't stop. It means you need to keep going forward. You need to push through the discomfort. Because just on the other side of that pain is the reward of a new way of thinking. A new way of believing in yourself and a new way to move forward. When doing the work feels wrong. You're actually doing everything right. Keep that in mind my friends. Keep doing the work. Keep being willing to change. Keep being curious. Keep being intentional about the work. You have got this. You can make a difference in your life. You can make a difference in other people's lives. You Just have to be willing, be curious and be intentional. Alright my friends, that's a wrap on another episode of positivity on fire. Remember your gift of time listening to the show means the world to me. And as always be well be happy be you. And until the next time may your quest for positivity begin today. Hey positivity posse. If you're ready to coach yourself, I invite you to download my free workbook. Seven Steps to regain redefined and reimagine your life. Head over to www dot Jason ramsden.com backslash my dash links and click on the download link at the top of the page. It's that simple. And hey, if you're interested in working with me as your own personal life coach, visit Jason ramsden.com and click Get Started in the upper right hand corner of the screen. I hope to talk to you soon until then have an amazing day. 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