Hey, hey Positivity Posse! It’s a new year, it’s 2022, and I’m excited to be back with you on Positivity on Fire after taking a nice break to end 2021.
In today’s show I dive into how you can regain your confidence in the year ahead and the best part is it takes just a tiny bit of effort on your part every day. Seriously, it’s a few simple tricks to help you have small wins each and every day.
Get after it my friends and we’ll see you next week!
For links to everything mentioned in this episode and more visit:
Hi, I'm Jay, a certified life coach and former educator who believes that rediscovering ourselves takes just a little bit of courage. This show is focused on helping you develop the mindset and the courage to regain your confidence to redefine yourself and to reimagine your life one episode at a time. Hello, hello, hello, my positivity pasty episode 50. Welcome to 2022 I am so excited for this year. I hope you are as well. Here's the thing. Today we're gonna be talking about confidence. And as I look back on this past year, you know I mentioned it in my new year's eve bonus. If you didn't listen to that episode yet, it's just the one right before this go go listen to it tells the basically my whole story from this last year. And what I'm excited about 2022 is that I found my confidence I found my path. I'm excited to continue this journey with you all of last year focused on my journey now moving forward focused on your journey. As I sit here on this snowy wintry day here in Massachusetts. It's great, I'm looking out the window, the snow is literally whipping around probably going to get about eight to 14 inches. And for someone who just moved here from North Carolina, who this is the most snow that I've seen in a very, very long time. So I'm excited for that as well. Like it's the little things in life. So how are we going to how are we going to build confidence in our lives? Yeah. Are you ready for that today? Are you pumped up? Did you make a resolution for 2022? Did you focus on doing something intentful for the year ahead. So let's get going my friends. Some people say or some people view confidence though that person is confident or that person isn't confident. Listen, I'm here to tell you people are not born with confidence. No, you don't have somebody who's born with confidence in someone who is born without confidence. That's not how confidence works. What no one will tell you is that confidence is a learned behavior. Yeah, absolutely it is. And when you put it in that context, where you think about confidence being a learned behavior, it ends up being pretty simple. The more success you have in life, the more confident you become. And I know I know, it's jumping in right to 2022 about being more confident. You may be saying to yourself, Jay, listen, I don't have confidence. I don't know how to gain confidence back. I don't know what that looks like. And I understand. And I spent the last year trying to rebuild my confidence to look at life differently to kind of reimagine myself and redefine myself. And here listen, when you lose your confidence. It is an absolutely gut wrenching experiences. It's, it's, for lack of a better phrase, it's confidence crushing, you're like in the doldrums, you don't know where to turn, you have huge, huge self doubt you're like in the pit of self doubt, and self despair when you're not confidence. How do you gain the confidence back? Alright. So over, like the big picture of gaining confidence back is it's it's about small gains, it's about little wins. And it has to do a whole lot with patience and grace for yourself. Because every step of the way, you may take a step forward. And then you may very well take two steps backwards. And you know what, that's okay. That's all right, seriously, life is not. Life is not all about wins. And it's definitely definitely not all about losses either. And if you're keeping track, right, we tend as people to go to the negative and we tend to track our losses more than our wins. And that's okay. That's okay. What I want for you to think about today is how you can flip that mindset around. So here's something that I want you to try. I want and we'll get into other steps. But here's something I was thinking about. I shared it on live on Tik Tok recently, it seemed to resonate with people. If you're looking to gain confidence back, let's start with trying to find there's a lot of times, a lot of times confidence has to do with whether or not you're happy in your circumstance where you are. And some people will say, Listen, I don't know how to be happy, or I don't generally have happiness in my life. And I'm here to tell you that you can probably find one. One example of something that you're happy about in any given day, even if the day is the crappiest of all crappiest days. You can find one thing that you can be happy for. Okay. And what I want you to do right as just like the big primer is to find the mason jar. Portable Whatever may be something that you can tuck away, and on a post it note or a piece of scrap paper, whatever it might be, write down one thing that you're happy for that day, just one. And, and again, it doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be like a huge experience that you did, you could be just happy that someone smiled at you in the grocery store, or that someone let you in, in traffic, or that somebody that you hadn't heard from in a while, reached out just to say, hey, find something, just one little thing, write it down on a piece of paper and put it in a mason jar, put it in a bowl, whatever it is, keep it off the side. And what I want you to do is I want you to do that every single day, for a year, am open it on your birthday, open every single one of those and re read all of the pieces of happiness that you had throughout the year. What a gift to give to yourself on your birthday, right? It costs absolutely nothing. But it has huge, huge benefits because you look back on the year and say, Okay, here's the things that I can be thankful for. Here's the things that I can be grateful for in my life. And that's step one, really, that's step one, to gaining your confidence back. Because you go and look at all the small gains, the little wins, the days that you may have been patient, all the little step forward. And then you start to build confidence in yourself. So what is confidence specifically? So at its core competence is the feeling or belief that you can rely on someone or something that you have firm trust, okay, it's also the state or feeling about the truth of something, it's a state or feeling about self assurance, literally arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities about themselves. So if you if you go with that definition of confidence, a feeling of self assurance, arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities, or qualities, that's where the jar comes into play, you go back at that you look at yourself, you say, listen, here's all the little things that I was happy about over this past year. You can you can build confidence from just those little tiny notes to yourself. Now, what are some other things that you can do to help with confidence? Again, remember, I said confidence is a learned behavior. It's not that you have it or you don't have it, you may not have it in the moment. And that's quite alright. But let's go about building it. Okay, so let's look at a couple of different things that can help you with your confidence, I found a really great article, you know, on the show that I always do the research, I'm always going to bring something to you that can help you overcome. And I found a really good article on life hack by Steve airy, who is a confidence coach. And he helps leaders build confidence. And what I'm going to do today is share some of those and talk about how it pertains to my life as examples. So that possibly you could use it in your life as well. First one up, learn something new. Do something for yourself, where you learn something new. If you're listening to this podcast right now, you may be learning something new. So you can even check that one right off the list. Listen, you've already done it. Step one, you're learning something new. But that's an important part. When you engage your brain. When you kind of get your mind moving forward on something that you haven't done before. Learning something new, keeps your mind active, it helps improve your confidence. And you're basically you're telling yourself, hey, I do have the capacity to learn new things. Here's another favorite of mine get really clear on what matters to you. On my computer screen, Michael, I'm literally looking at it right now, as I'm recording this podcast, I have two notes they've been on my screen for I can't even tell you how long longer than I can remember one says Be the best of you. Okay, that matters to me be the best of you. And the second one is be bold about what matters most and specifically, what matters most to you. So for me, a couple of things that I'm like, really bold about is that family comes first. In my life. Family always comes first. That's more important than anything else that I do. I am a home caregiver. I like to take care of people. I like to make sure that they have a good you know, experience and a good life. So for me family first, okay, I'm very clear about them. I'm also very clear about don't mess with my daily routine. My morning routine. Absolutely love it. Get up, meditate, reflect on it. Make a good breakfast, have an amazing cup of coffee, get my day started and then my book into the night. Same thing. Like reflect on the day journal what was good, what my small wins were what my big wins were and then go so those two things like those matter mostly and you pick whatever you Want, like whatever matters most to you just get really clear on it, get really, really clear on it take some time to if even if you have to pause this episode to write down some of the things that matter to you most. Go ahead and take the time to do it. I will be right here waiting for you. Alright, so if you did that, that's awesome. Now, another important, I think, piece for me and I mentioned it just a moment ago, when I do my journaling is that you have to celebrate your big wins and your small wins, right? A win is a win is a win. Don't think that small wins don't matter. Okay? Small wins are actually more important than big wins. Because you're going to have small wins more frequently than you're going to have a big win. And so when you celebrate small wins, after small win after a small win, the next thing you know, your confidence is going to improve, your confidence is going to get better, because you're starting to have some forward progress. Okay, so small wins are huge. Write them down. include that in the jar, so that you have that as part of what makes you happy. And that you can celebrate on that on your birthday. Another interesting one on this list, do something you would normally say no to. How often do you say no to things in your life? Right? flip that around, whether maybe something difficult that you have never done before. Maybe somebody invites you to go someplace, you really don't want to go, but you may meet new people there. Do something you would normally say no to for me. One of the things that I'm working on this year is going live every day, Monday through Friday, on either Tik Tok or Instagram. And doing a topic similar to this podcast right? Taking my episodes on the show. I wouldn't normally say Oh, I'm going to put my face in front of a camera. If you're listening to this, you're probably like, Hey, he's got a great voice for podcast. Well, I have a mind block about my face on video. I've never been a big fan of people taking photos of me. And so that is something going live is something I would not normally say yes to. Okay, so I've started it. And it's it's something that's taking me time to kind of get over and move through. But once people interact, once I get going, once I get passionate about what I'm talking about, there's people on the other end who are receiving it. Yeah, all of a sudden, he's like, okay, maybe it's not so bad. Maybe I should have said yes to this before. So what's something you're saying no to that you should probably be saying yes to. Another thing you could possibly work on. And if you are listening to this show, then hopefully you're working already is cultivating a positive mindset. And one thing that I'm a big believer in is getting rid of contractions in your life. I can't I won't. I'm not, I shouldn't. I don't, right. As soon as you remove all of the contractions in your life, and you flip those into I can I will. I am. And that's probably one of the biggest ones to flip. I'm not I am. That's how you cultivate a positive mindset. The more of a positive mindset you have, the more your confidence builds. So really work on getting rid of the contractions in your life. And it's just, it's as simple as taking something that you say I am not happy and just flipping it into a more positive and powerful sentence. I am happy. Great. I am happy. What's the one little happy thing that you had today, put it in the jar? We talked about it before. Cultivate the positive mindset, cultivate the positive mindset. Next one up on the list, reveal a little bit of the real you. This is something that has been a game changer for me over the last. Well, I'd say maybe six months, I started working with a mentor coach, a mentor of mine back in September. And what they said to me is like listen, Jay, I see you've got a lot of things going on. You are in lots of different places socially, but you are the most private person with the biggest social media presence that I've ever seen. And so I've been working on that I've been revealing a little bit more of my self a little bit more of the real me. If you follow me on Instagram or you follow me on Tik Tok, you'll see that you'll see pieces of that starting to come out a little bit having a little bit more fun, being a little bit more playful. I love to laugh. I love to engage with others. And on my website in particular, you can see my entire journey I mentioned it again in My New Year's Eve bonus edition. And the I gosh, the journey has been hard, but I've put it out there. And I'm gonna put it out there and more and more, because I think it's important to share my journey. Because I was I didn't have a whole lot of confidence the last 15 months. And once I started to really focus on making a change for myself, then things started to fall in place, things started to click, I started to be more of me. And I started to be literally my own hero. And I know that sounds strange. And you're gonna say to yourself, oh my gosh, that's so self centered. But if I don't know if you've seen it out there, Matthew McConaughey has a video where he talks about being his own hero. When somebody asked him where he wants to be five years from now, he's you know, he talked about being his own hero five years from now, and he keeps chasing that and keep chasing that. And I thought, Gosh, what a great visual for you will never be complete in your life, you'll always learn you'll always grow. And being your own hero is a way for you to get there. And there's, there's so many good tips and tricks in this article. Now I'll put that in the show notes. So you have it. So you can look at the others. But there's two that I want to leave you with that aren't in the show notes. Okay. Two things that basically I've learned about myself, that have really helped to boost my confidence. One is, I've started to learn to ask for help from others. I found myself a mentor, I found myself a life coach, I found myself a group of people that we get together in a mastermind, we're all life coaches in the same spot in our journey, I found a person, an accountability partner, I have surrounded myself with people who can help me be better. So one of the things asking for help is such a huge, huge confidence boost, because you don't feel like you have to like, go it alone. It's not all on your shoulders. And when you connect with other people who are on similar paths, or on similar journeys, that's where the help comes in. That's where the help comes in, you really start to see yourself as not the only person going through what you're going through. And that helps build confidence. And lastly, the other thing that I want to leave you with before this show ends is doing yourself a favor by having stronger beliefs about yourself. So I want you to take time, my mentor did this for me, and it's so valuable, I want you to take time to write five, I believe statements. Now, the trick is those five, I believe statements have to be positive in context, right? You can't put you can't put down I believe I'm not good, or I believe I'm not confident or I believe I'm not happy. No. Take something that your your feeling about yourself that's negative and flip it and say I believe I am this and put it in a positive light. If you do that, if you do that, and have a list where you have a list of five things, five beliefs about yourself that you put in a positive light, and you continue to do daily notes into the jar or into the bowl or whatever it is about things that made you happy that day, or, or a real tiny little wind that you had that day, I can guarantee. And I'll do it, I'll guarantee that after three months, you'll feel a little bit more confident. After six months, you'll feel even more confident. And if you do it for an entire year, you will find yourself totally flipping on yourself. And being a more competent person. I believe you can get there I got there, it took a lot of work. And this is not a journey. That's an easy one. So I don't want to kind of sugarcoat it and say it's not or that it is an easy journey when you're working on yourself. But when you do work on yourself when you work on your confidence, when you take these little tips and tricks and put them into practice on a daily basis, your life can change. And I know that sounds super positive. And all I'm asking you is to take one step at a time, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit. And that's all you need to do. Small gains, small wins, small competent boosts will take you to the next level. All right, my friends, as I prepare to head off, just know that I am thankful for you being here. Your gift of time to me does mean the world to me. I am so appreciative of you listening to the show And as always have an amazing day and until next time, may your quest for positivity begin today. Hey positivity posse. If you're ready to coach yourself, I invite you to download my free workbook. Seven Steps to regain, redefine and reimagine your life. Head over to www dot Jason ramsden.com backslash, my dash links and click on the download link at the top of the page. It's that simple. And hey, if you're interested in working with me as your own personal life coach, visit Jason ramsden.com and click Get Started in the upper right corner of the screen. I hope to talk to you soon until then have an amazing day. Positivity on fire is a production of impact one media LLC, All Rights Reserved.